I'm sure that this post will anger some people, and as usual, I don't care. In fact, part of the reason I"m writing it is because of the self-righteous, self-justifying anger on that part of a fairly large segment of one moiety of our species--the female moiety--and the self indulgence and self excusing of the other.
This is about modesty on one hand, and girl watching on the other. Hopefully, even if you do not like what I'm about to say, you will at least give it a moment or two of thought. This post is born out of something Christine Niles posted on face book, and the adamant refusal on the part of a commenter to hear of responsibility being placed. There is responsibility to be placed, on both sexes. Now I"m going to do so, in plain language,on both.
Ladies: Men are not women! Period. We have a different biology, and that biology includes reproductive biology. Which influences our sexuality and sexual responses, unless we're possessed of a a disordered affection and libido. I'm going to give you a bit of socio-biology, to help you understand some things.
I studied Anthropology at University. In those studies, I learned that Human Beings are classified as primates, zoologically. An interesting thing about primates is this--among mammals they are more influenced by visual sexual stimuli than by olfactory stimuli, to a unique degree. Humans to the greatest extent of all primates, and human males more so than human females. We are hardwired to respond to what we see. This fact of primate behavior and sexual response even influences Human anatomy.
I shall explain. We are bipedal. No other mammal is bipedal. One of the primary signs among primates of sexual receptivity is the female buttocks. During estrus it undergoes changes that alert male primates that the female is potentially receptive to coitus. This, by the way, is why guys look at women's butts. But being bipedal, the prominence of the female buttocks is reduced. Human females have developed buttocks that differ subtly in shape from the male buttocks. But there is another adaptation to bipedalism: the human breast. Human breasts are shaped much differently from other primate breasts, in as much as they are generally hemispherical or conoid in shape, and serve as a visual stimulus that augments the stimulus of the buttocks. This is why guys look at women's boobs.
We have as well cultural influences of what we look at, which vary to a certain degree from culture to culture. These are important too.
The upshot is this: when a woman dresses in such a way as to highlight the visual cues which human biology have imbedded in us, we're going to look. Many of us, for spiritual of cultural reasons, will resist the urge to look with varying degrees of success. But the urge will be there, imbedded in our genes.
So stop blaming us for looking, and stop saying just because you dressed in a certain way did not mean you were inviting attention! It's unrealistic. Moreover, it's rude. Let me repeat that: it's rude. It's a form of power over men, that women frequently use. I'm 54 years old, and I've met way to many women who enjoy the use of that power to buy off on excuses and lame explanations. I've seen it used for manipulation, for fun, and even as a way to humiliate men. (Here's a case in point: I knew a very pretty young woman with nice breasts, who would wear a thin t-shirt braless, On the t-shirt was the phrase "Everyone is watching you stare at my breasts" . If she didn't get the desired response, she would be sure to jiggle or sway in front of males until she had their attention, the verbally humiliate the male in question. She did this because, she said, she was a feminist and men needed to learn how to act like humans).
It's obvious that young women--teenagers--might not have figured out yet how powerfully their visual presentation can affect men. That's why sometimes one sees teenage girls in very immodest attire who don't realize how much and what kind attention they will attract. This is where mothers, and especially fathers, become important--moms know from experience and observation how males will react, and dads know form internal experience what the reactions will be, and the potential or probably social response will be. This is why parents, not our society at large, and certainly not the fashion, cosmetic and entertainment industries should dictate how minors dress.
More experienced females, though, I will not give a pass too. Quite simply, they will have learned the probable response they will receive, and must take responsibility for their sartorial choices. I must say, in the interest of fairness, that mistakes can happen. (One that comes immediately to mind occurred when I was managing a deli. The owner said that we should wear costumes on Halloween. One of my employees was a student nurse, and wore a cute nurses costume. What she didn't realize was that although it was cut to be not slutty, the fabric was nearly see though. She was thoroughly embarrassed when she realized it, and asked to go home and change--a request I honored, not least because she made it just before I suggested it.) The thing is, we can tell when something is a mistake, and those of us with an ethical underpinning feel sorry and awkward for the woman in question. However, these things are exceptions.
If you dress to incite sexual attention, there are two things that I think should come into play. One, don't blame the guys for looking. Two, if you are a Catholic or other variety of Christian, you should have enough charity to realize you are sinning by leading others into sin through impure thoughts.
Leading others into sin is a sin. If you deliberately provoke lust in someone under the guise of fashion, you bear responsibility for that. Consider this--everyone plays in the final four. Death, Judgement, Heaven or Hell are realities. If someone is lost to perdition because of you, you are answerable for that. Moreover, Christians are called to charity, charity being the disinterested desire for the greatest good of another. Since salvation is the greatest good, doing things that endanger another persons salvation is a complete failure of charity. You cannot get around this, no matter what arguments or verbal constructions you make.
You do not get a free pass for dressing to incite lust.
Gentlemen: The above in no way excuses you from impure thoughts or actions. We men are primates, we will have the urge to look. However, our species has the greatest degree of self awareness in the Animal Kingdom. We are not puppets of our biology. We have free will. We can choose to strive for custody of the eyes. If we value salvation, if we value our hope of heaven, we will try not to be led by our eyes into sin.
If you are strolling down the boulevard, and someone who is dressed to incite impurity comes before you, you can resist. Perhaps at first glance you will be distracted. So what! Exert your will and look away. Say a quick prayer to Our Lady, or to St. Maria Goretti, or your patron. Ask St. Michael or your Guardian Angel to protect you. Recite the Jesus Prayer. Do something! You cannot be a meat puppet to your libido without your consent and cooperation. Have you been Confirmed? Then you have the Holy Spirit to help you. Have you ever taken Holy Communion? Then you have life within you--don't waste it. Don't give yourself a spiritual abortion for the sake of titillation. Take responsibility for your own eyes, your own libido, your own actions.
But there is more. We men are half of the Human Race. We hold a great deal of responsibility for the shape of our society and culture. As Catholics, and other types of Christian, we can help shape and flavor the world. Think for a moment about how well you practice modesty and chastity. Don't for one minute think that because you are not a fornicator, or a physical adulterer, that you are chaste. Chastity is far more than what we do with our bodies, it is also what we do with our minds.
We men are largely responsible for the degradation of our sisters in this society--w reward immodesty and the appearance of sexual availability. We reward it financially and socially. What TV shows do you watch? Here's something--I find the show Two Broke Girls hilarious. I don't watch it. I don't watch it because I think Kat Dennings is very, very attractive. Her face, eyes, figure and voice, quite frankly, are turn-ons. I don't watch it for that reason. I choose not to, because it can be a near occasion, or occasion, of sin for me. What magazines do you read? I avoid quite a few magazne that are not considered erotica because of their pictorials.
Stop rewarding female immodesty--I tend to not buy products that use sex to sell themselves--I choose other products if there is any alternative. Choose your female friends wisely. At work, be careful how you treat co-workers, don't let sexual cues (deliberate or accidental) influence you.
Grow up! At 14 we men were more or less walking sacks of hormones with perpetual erections as our bodies and minds adjusted to the flow of testosterone. But we are not 14 anymore, and if we haven't learned self control by now, it's time to grow up and learn it. Yes, sometime we see things or experience things that are sexually interesting or arousing without our planning for it, wanting it, or consenting to it. So? Sometimes I experience things that scare me, but I don't let the fear run me--and so I have an example of how not to let lust run me.
Look at yourself with a critical, perhaps even hostile, eye from time to time. Do you gravitate towards women who constantly produce overt and deliberate sexual cues through dress and action? Well then brother, you need to exercise free will and choose not to. Do you like movies that place a cinematographic emphasis of female boobs and butts? Watch something else. Use your mind, and use Grace to resist.
Remember this--most women who are immodest are immodest because we reward that. In so doing, we are leading our sisters into sin, and possibly to perdition. We will be judged for it, because we too play in the Final Four of Death, Judgment, Heaven or Hell. We helped to build the over sexualized, libidinous society in which we dwell, so we must help to heal it, in and by our individual choices concerning immodesty and sexual activity.
We don't get a free pass either.